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Sarcasm and Insults skit

by Ron Kurtus (7 Aug 71)

AL: Hey, Bill. Long time no see.

BILL: Oh, hi Al. Too bad you saw me first.

AL: Bill, you're a true gentleman - and my best buddy (snicker) How are things going with your job?

BILL: Things couldn’t be better. I just got fired last week.

AL: Gee, that's too bad. And with your sparkling personality too. Well, don't worry. In a few years you'll find another job1CMaybe even a better one - like a garbage man or something.

BILL: You know something, Al?

AL: No, what?

BILL: I didn’t think so. You know that you are a very witty person. In fact, your wit is only exceeded by your looks. By the way, I saw you last night. I see you finally got some girl to go out with you.

AL: You were out last night? I didn’t know your wife let you out after dark.

BILL: Yes, once in a while she lets me go out and see how the lower people live.

AL: I was with Emmy Lou last night. Now that I. come to think of it, she must have seen you. She said she saw some fellow smelling bicycle seats across the street. Unfortunately, the guy ran off on all fours before I could get a look at him.

BILL: Unusual fantasies your girl has. She sounds like a reject from Happy Acres nut house. But she isn’t a bad looking girl. She looks something like your twin brother, with his pants pulled down.

AL: Facing which way?

BILL: Where did you two go last night? Did you take her to some queer bar to see if some fag would try to pick her up?

AL: No, actually we went to see a good sex show. So we window peeked by your house.

BILL: But I said that I wasn’t home.

AL: That's what I mean.

BILL: My wife wouldn’t have sex with another man.

AL: Who said anything about a man. You've got a St. Bernard, don't you?

BILL: Well, I guess he'll screw anything. But you really have a fetish about peeking in windows. How many times have you been arrested now? 4 or 5?

AL: No, 45 times for peeking in the windows of the same nymphomaniac 78 year old woman, who worked herself off with a purple dildo every Saturday night.

BILL: That sounds about your speed.

AL: Speaking of speed - are you still shooting dope?

BILL: The only dope I'd like to shoot is talking to me. Of course that outfit you're wearing does make you look more intelligent You don't see people walking the streets in their high school graduation cap-and-gown too often anymore.

AL: And I appreciate you selling it to me on discount, after you found out you wouldn’t graduate. But you should try wearing one. It would do wonders to hide that pot-belly of yours. Have you been gaining any more weight lately?

BILL: No. I'm just 6 months pregnant. Of course I've been gaining weight. I can't help to, with Jane’s good cooking.

AL: I didn’t know that TV dinners were that fattening.