Magazine Sales
by Ron Kurtus (3 Jun 1971)
(Note: This is just the beginning of a skit)
Girl rings doorbell. Man answers the door,.
GIRL: Hello.
MAN: Well, hell-o. What can I do for you? (looks appraisingly)
GIRL: My name is Judy Schmitt and I'm working my way through college by selling subscriptions to nationally know magazines. This week we have a special introductory offer...
MAN: And my name is Bob. Step right in.
GIRL: A special introductory offer...
MAN: Have a seat.
GIRL: Thank you. This offer is...
MAN: Can I get you anything to drink?
GIRL: ...if you order one magazine, you get your choice of another one absolutely free.
MAN: What would you like? Scotch and water?
GIRL: I'm working my way through college and if you are interested...
MAN: Oh sure, I'm interested. The moment I saw you I was interested.
GIRL: No, I mean, id you are interested in buying a subscription.
MAN: Here's a little something to make you relax.
(gives drink)
GIRL: Thank you, but no. I have to sell some more magazines. Besides, isn’t it a little early in the day to start drinking?
MAN: What's early? It's 10 AM already. Drink up. It'll make you relax. Here, let me take your sweater.
GIRL: (getting up) I'd better be leaving, Mister...
MAN: Just call me Bob.
GIRL: I have a lot of magazines to sell -- Bob.
MAN: I love the way your eyes flash when you're angry.
GIRL: Angry? I'm not angry.
MAN: Ah. See what I mean? Here, have another drink.
GIRL: But I haven’t even had the first one yet.
MAN: That's OK, I'll drink that one. It makes you relax.
GIRL: You don't have to bother fixing me anything. Now, do you
want to order one of our magazines? We have a special on TIME this week.
MAN: Baby, I've got the time if you do.
GIRL: No, I mean TIME magazine. You know, that news magazine?
MAN: Like I always said: no news is good news. Here drink this, it'll make you relax.
GIRL: I'd better go.
MAN: Wait a minute. what other magazines do you have?
(Needs to be completed)
