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Magazine Sales

by Ron Kurtus (3 Jun 1971)

(Note: This is just the beginning of a skit)

Girl rings doorbell. Man answers the door,.

GIRL: Hello.

MAN: Well, hell-o. What can I do for you? (looks appraisingly)

GIRL: My name is Judy Schmitt and I'm working my way through college by selling subscriptions to nationally know magazines. This week we have a special introductory offer...

MAN: And my name is Bob. Step right in.

GIRL: A special introductory offer...

MAN: Have a seat.

GIRL: Thank you. This offer is...

MAN: Can I get you anything to drink?

GIRL: ...if you order one magazine, you get your choice of another one absolutely free.

MAN: What would you like? Scotch and water?

GIRL: I'm working my way through college and if you are interested...

MAN: Oh sure, I'm interested. The moment I saw you I was interested.

GIRL: No, I mean, id you are interested in buying a subscription.

MAN: Here's a little something to make you relax.

(gives drink)

GIRL: Thank you, but no. I have to sell some more magazines. Besides, isn’t it a little early in the day to start drinking?

MAN: What's early? It's 10 AM already. Drink up. It'll make you relax. Here, let me take your sweater.

GIRL: (getting up) I'd better be leaving, Mister...

MAN: Just call me Bob.

GIRL: I have a lot of magazines to sell -- Bob.

MAN: I love the way your eyes flash when you're angry.

GIRL: Angry? I'm not angry.

MAN: Ah. See what I mean? Here, have another drink.

GIRL: But I haven’t even had the first one yet.

MAN: That's OK, I'll drink that one. It makes you relax.

GIRL: You don't have to bother fixing me anything. Now, do you

want to order one of our magazines? We have a special on TIME this week.

MAN: Baby, I've got the time if you do.

GIRL: No, I mean TIME magazine. You know, that news magazine?

MAN: Like I always said: no news is good news. Here drink this, it'll make you relax.

GIRL: I'd better go.

MAN: Wait a minute. what other magazines do you have?


(Needs to be completed)