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Ron Kurtus
1807 Paterna Rd
Santa Barbara, CA

Helen Reddy Show - Comedy Bit

by Ron Kurtus (1973)

(Enter Reddy dressed as Charlie Chaplin)

REDDY: And now I'm going to sing a few songs that the great Charlie Chaplin made famous...

(applause)

(Reddy waddles around a la Chaplin, and then she starts to sing. But she just moves her mouth rapidly, as in a silent movie.)

(laughter)

(Enter "Three Dog Night" group dressed as ducks.)

REDDY: What in the world...?

(They march around stage ad-libbing "Quack, quack, quack.")

REDDY: Why are you fellows dressed up like geese?

GREENSPOON: We're ducks. Don't you know that ducks go "quack quack" and geese go "honk honk"?

REDDY: Yes, I guess you're right.

GREENSPOON: Now, if you were hunting and a flock of birds came into sight and went "honk honk", what would you do?

REDDY: I'd step aside and let them pass.

(laughter)

Actually, I don't believe in hunting.

GREENSPOON: I know, but that was just part of the joke.

(Enter Dionne Warwick dressed as Groucho Marx, with coat, mustache, cigar, etc., walking in Marx's famed gait.)

WARWICK: Say the secret word and one of these ducks will come down and brain you. (laughter) Don't say the secret word, and they'll all come down and brain you.

(laughter)

Hi Helen. What are the fellows dressed up like ducks for?

REDDY: They haven't told me yet. Say, you know the difference between ducks and geese, don't you?

WARWICK: Well, I'm familiar with the domestic type. You know, the little white ducks and geese people have for pets?

REDDY: Yes.

WARWICK: Well, the little white ducks go "quack quack" and the little white geese go "honky honky".

(laughter)

That's a little "in" joke.

REDDY: I was going to tell a joke, too, but I think I've changed my mind.

ALISUP: That's a relief.

REDDY: OK, Mike, would you care to tell us why you're dressed up as ducks?

ALLSUP: Well, we were all thinking of joining the new, action Army.

WARWICK: Joining the Army? What do the duck suits have to do

with the Army?

ALLSUP: You see, we join the Army, right?

REDDY & WARWICK: Yes.

ALLSUP: And because they're not so strict anymore, they let us wear these duck outfits, right?

(slight laughter from audience)

REDDY: OK.

ALLSUP: And then when we see a girl in uniform, we all go, "WAC, WAC, WAC, WAC..."

(laughter)

REDDY: (laughing) You fellows get ready for your next number. Come on, Dionne, let's sing a song.

("Three Dog Night" exit in a conga line, going "WAC, WAC, WAC, kick, WAC, WAC, WAC, kick..." Then Reddy and Warwick sing a duet.)

END.