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Roving Reporter with the Spinster

by Ron Kurtus (6 May 72)

REPORTER: This is your Roving Reporter here near the Bullworth office building, and I'm making my man-in-the-street interviews today with the various people going in and out of this building. There are many businessmen, secretaries, clerks, typists - people from all walks of life - passing by. Here comes a likely prospect for my question of the day. Oh sir. Sir...

MAN: (Abrupt, business-like) Yes. What can I do for you?

REPORTER: I'm the Roving Reporter, sir, and we're interviewing the various people in front of this building today.

MAN: Yes, yes, yes. Very interesting. Well, I'm sympathetic with your cause, but I already gave at the office.

REPORTER: But sir...

MAN: I'm a very busy man. Good day.

REPORTER: Well, that's too bad he was so busy...but, ah... oh, here comes somebody. It's a woman in her early forties, dressed in an effIcient gray suit. Wait a minute... she may be even in her early thirties... or maybe late twenties... it's hard to tell. Well, anyway... oh ma'am. Ma'am... Ma'am!

LADY: (Bothered) What do you want?!

REPORTER: Excuse me ma'am, but I'm the Roving Reporter, and I'm interviewing the various office workers in this area.

LADY: Oh, excuse me. I just thought you were some smart aleck flirt. You find so many of them hanging around this building. But I just ignore them and their wolf-whistles. You know a girl can't be too careful these days.

REPORTER: Yes, I know what you mean. And I'm sure that many men whistle at you.

LADY: Why thank you.

REPORTER: (Under his breath) Yes, I'm sure.

Well, anyway, would you care to answer our question of the day?

LADY: Does your...wife... have trouble with men whistling at her?

REPORTER: No, I'm not married.

LADY: Oh...oh...oh. Well, neither am I.

REPORTER: Now the question of the day is---

LADY: (Appologizing) I don't usually talk to men I haven't been introduced to, but since you are a reporter...

REPORTER: Yes. Now my question is: There has been a movement lately to get rid of violence on television, and most people agree with this. But what do you think about having sex on television?

LADY: My, you certainly do come right to the point, don't you? Well I like that in a man.

(To herself) In fact, I like anything in a man.

(Back to Reporter) Well... ah... sure! Just a minute, and I'll go tell my boss I'm taking the rest of the day off.

REPORTER: No, no. I mean about seeing it on television.

LADY: Well, whatever turns you on.

REPORTER: I'm not sure you understand what I mean.

LADY: The heck with telling the boss. I'll just phone him from your place. Now, kiss me, you fool.

REPORTER: Please ma'am...(Kiss)...Please.

LADY: (Ecstatic) Oh, I know you're as excited as I am. Come on, let's get out of here. Where's your car?

REPORTER: (Desperate) This is your Roving Reporter...plaese ma'am, let go... this is... ma'am! Please. I'm trying to talk cn the radio... Helllpp!