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Roving Reporter with Old Man

by Ron Kurtus (6 May 72)

REPORTER: This is your Roving Reporter here outside off the Last Resort Rest Home near Clive Street. I've been standing outside the rest home here for two hours now, waiting for someone to come walking out, so that I may make my man-in-the-street interview. Thus far, the only ones leaving the building have been carried out on stretchers and put into ambulances. Well, I think I might as well give up, because... wait, here comes somebody... Oh sir. Sir! Would you come over here for a minute.

MAN: What in tarnation do you want, you long haired punk?

REPORTER: Why do you call me long haired: All I've got is a crew cut.

MAN: To me you're long haired... because I'm bald!

REPORTER: Sir, I'm the Roving Reporter, and I'm making our man-in-the­street interviews in this area today---

MAN: And I'm the queen of Sheba! So what? Why are you bothering me?

REPORTER: Would you care to answer our question of the day?

MAN: What'll you give me?


MAN: What'll you give me? They always give you money or prizes or something for answering questions. This is television, isn't it?

REPORTER: No, sir. We're on the radio.

MAN: Well, what's that camera doing there?

REPORTER: Huh? Canera? Where?

MAN: Har, har, har. Made ya look, made ya look, made ya look! Har har.

REPORTER: Ha ha. Yes, I guess the joke was on me.

MAN: Wanna see my froggy?

REPORTER: Not right now, sir. Would you care to answer our question of the day?

MAN: If I do, will you look at my froggy?

REPORTER: Very well. Now here is the question: Which group would you say exemplifies the mood of the present day youth - the Rolling Stones, Clearwater, or Bread?

MAN: Yes... That's what they should do with the youth. Lock 'em up, make 'em work on the stone pile, and just give them bread and water.

REPORTER: No sir, you misunderstood me. Those are singing groups. You know, music?
MAN: I quit listening to music a few years ago when that new young singer with the wavy hair and who sang so loud came out. And the words he sang,- you couldn't even understand what he was singing about.

REPORTER: I suppose you mean Elvis, bringing in rock and roll after the days of the popular soft ballads.

MAN: Huh? No, I mean Rudy Vallee. Never could figure out what they saw in him.

REPORTER: Well, thank you sir. This is your Roving Reporter---

MAN: Here's my froggy. (Croak, croak).